my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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