He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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