sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
