You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
