is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
