So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
