I wish my penis had an off switch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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