also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
