can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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