I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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