I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
