thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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