I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
