i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
two words: eviction party
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
