I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
