i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
420 ftw
two words: eviction party
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
