My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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