ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
