I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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