When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
