Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
