my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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