she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
