we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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