Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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