god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
