Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
