dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
