do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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