Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
