sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
