yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
