i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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