If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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