i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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