There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
