I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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