If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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