I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
