her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
