I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
