help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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