So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
