what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
