Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
