hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
