she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
