Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
