I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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