Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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