i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
