I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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