Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
