I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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