he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
