EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
